Those lazy Germans. Or, Germany: worker's paradise.

Those industrious Germans! Deutschland! Shining example of the rewards of hard work and saving. Able to teach those lazy Greeks a thing or two about what it takes! Well, actually, no.

Despite everyone (except the Greeks) in Europe thinking the Germans are the hardest workers, the Greeks have it closer to the truth. Ok, so the Germans are more "productive" per hour worked than the Greeks are, though curiously less productive than the French and Belgians(!). Nevertheless, the myth of the incomparably hard-working German doesn't stand up to the test of reality. Germany's success owes to lots of complicated factors, but hard work alone cannot explain it.

After nearly a year in this country, I can tell you that the Germans shirk work with an efficiency unmatched in the homeland. Try to get something done at a bank on Fridays, you can almost forget about it. Need to file one of the 50 million forms essential for daily life? Most government offices are open about 3-4 hours a day, 3 days a week. Need to go shopping outside of your normal working hours? Sorry, shops close by 7 or 8pm, early on Saturday, and don't open at all on Sunday.

Besides working an average of only 35 hours a week, the German worker is guaranteed at least 28 paid vacation days per year (which they use unashamedly), plus public holidays, plus nearly unlimited sick time. If you're ill, you just need a note from your doctor, and your employer simply has to accept it.

And I don't just mean for the flu or consumption or whatever. No, no. In fact, Germans suffer a variety of maladies unknown in the New World. Most notable among them is the phenomenon of Kreislaufstörung - literally, problems with one's circulation. Now, in America, when you have problems with your circulatory system you usually end up in the hospital and under close observation of a cardiologist. Germans, on the other hand, see such problems as so normal as to be almost unworthy of note (except the doctor's note!). The exact cause is unknown. Some conjecture that it stems from the Germans' notoriously cold hearts, though that remains unproven. In any case, any time you feel a bit tired or unpleasant you just chalk it up to a circulation problem, run to the doctor, and get a nice little note for your employer and perhaps a prescription for herbal-magic-homeopathy rose hip water pills. Problem solved, blood flowing easily once more!

Then there is the problem of burnout. From working so hard, this is something the Germans struggle with endlessly. Of course, when an American feels burnt out, they simply try and get more sleep or take up meditation or an addiction to prescription medicine. For a German, on the other hand, burnout is simply another source of the cherished doctor's note. For particularly bad cases, your doctor can even write you a prescription for a few days trip to a spa resort. Paid for by insurance, not counted against vacation time. For Europe's hardest workers, only the best.

Seeing Far: Die Welt des Fernsehens in Deutschland

After a long day of procrastinating and getting half as much done as intended reading hundreds of pages for my doctoral studies, sometimes you just want to turn the brain off for a while. While we don't have a TV, I have occasionally enjoyed the wonders of German television elsewhere or online. Landing in Germany after leaving an American home with digital cable, hundreds of channels, and access to an almost endless variety of programming can be a bit of a rude awakening.

First, American television shows are shown fairly regularly on German TV (thanks, American cultural hegemony!). But, and this is a big but, they have been dubbed over into German, not subtitled. Granted, this makes sense - why would Germans want to have to read through their evening's TV time? Still, knowing what they originally sound like, it is hard to watch Sheldon and Penny bantering in German on the Big Bang Theory. The voices are just... wrong.

Of course, Germany makes its own TV programming, too. Lots of it. Well, ok, not that much. As in, most people in Germany still only get about 15 channels, unless they are paying extra (which not many do, compared with the US). In Germany, there are a mix of regional and federal TV channels (publicly funded, so no commercials!) with some for-profit stations alongside. The private ones tend more on the bad 80's movies and dubbed-over CSI: Miami marathon side of things. The "best" stuff comes on the public channels..

For example, over on Das Erste (a channel whose name is simply "The First") is the stalwart of German TV: Tatort. Tatort - or "scene of the crime" - is basically a cops seek murderer show. The German twist, bringing German federalism to the screen, is that the show cycles among many cities in different parts of the country. Some teams are serious, some more funny, and the show always seems to address a social theme (last week it was predatory lending and the big banks, a few weeks back it was the evil meat industry, etc). My favorite is Tatort Münster - the two detectives are an unlikely uptight nerd/slovenly slouch pair, there is a midget little person medical examiner, and the district attorney is a chain-smoking woman who sounds like a drag queen. (Watch til the end of the clip!) Great stuff.

Germany also seems to love reality shows almost as much as America does. The main difference from America on German reality television - and on German TV in general - is the presence of... wait for it...  ugly people. Or average looking people, whatever you want to call them. As it has been explained to me, the public would rather see people on TV they can relate to, rather than airbrushed super beauties. I have my doubts.

For example: Bauer Sucht Frau - "Farmer Seeks a Wife"

This one seems to be a bit of a phenomenon, or at least I've heard a lot of people mention it, and have sat through a couple episodes myself.

Farmers seeking wives.

The picture above shows a group of studly farmers, desperately trying to escape loneliness. Gorgeous, aren't they?

Schwuler Bauer sucht Mann.

American exceptionalism.

And should the gays feel left out, the recent season (yes, there have been several) included a gay farmer seeking his Mann. Gays are supposed to all be good looking, right? Well, maybe not. To the left you see homely farmer Philipp, in plaid, with his man Veit.








There was apparently a rather less successful American version of this show produced by the CW called "Farmer Wants a Wife".
For the American approach to casting "reality", please see the picture to the right.



And thus, with this case study, I think we see a stark cultural difference. For a country remarkably full of tall, good-looking people with perfect skin (eugenics?!), Germans readily tolerate imperfection on screen. Perhaps this explains why Americans have 500 channels and Germans have 15.

All in all, German TV is not bad, except when it is so bad it is funny. Either way, good language practice for me and an interesting spotlight shown on to the collective cultural psyche of a country far from Hollywood.

Healthy, Wealthy, and Wise?

Health, or gesundheit, is a universal human concern - few, if any, people or cultures delight in illness and the discomfort it can bring. However, different societies have very different strategies for maintaining health, and some worry about maladies that are unknown elsewhere. The French smoke like fiends and have little idea of vegetarianism, yet take days off work for heavy legs, a solely French affliction. South Koreans fear fan death - untimely demise caused by sleeping in a closed room with an electric fan left running overnight. In short, every culture has it's own health phobias and ideas about what is good for you and what is not.

Germans are no exception. Despite drinking almost more beer per person than any other country (except the Czechs) and downing bread and processed meat products at alarming rates (a more specific food oriented post will be forthcoming), they live on average around two years longer than Americans. What are their strategies? Some initial observations, in no particular order:

• Fresh Air. Germans are seemingly obsessed with "frische Luft", and rarely miss the opportunity to "lüften" a room even on the coldest day. Rarely a seminar has gone by without some of the students opening all the windows, letting all the nice heated air out and exchanging it for cold damp chilly air. If they haven't done it, the professor usually requests the opening of windows, lest we run out of oxygen. In most German homes that I've been in, bathroom windows are often left open. Because, you know, the room where you get naked and stand under running water is most pleasant when kept within a few degrees of freezing. Leaving the house for the day? Turn off the heat and open the windows! Shiver the sickness away! I'm hardly someone who likes the house well-heated in Winter, but this particular German propensity baffles even me.
•  Bio-everything. Bio (pronounced bee-oh) is just the German word for organic. You can basically get bio versions of whatever you want, and bio supermarkets abound. Everything from milk to potatoes, broccoli to bratwurst. It is WAY more prevalent here than in America, the Whole Food US upper-upper-middle-class notwithstanding.
• Sneaky exercise and the great outdoors. As was recently pointed out to me, Americans can be seen jogging around our cities, Germans only jog along lakes and rivers. Where they do most of their exercise, I don't know. There are gyms, sure, but even then, there are simply fewer really fat people here than in the US (not that Germany is exactly a thin land, in fact, women seem to be/feel less pressured here to maintain ultra-slim standards). This may all come down to Germans simply walking or cycling more, given the less suburban (in the American sense) layout of most towns and cities here. They do love their outdoors, witness the Schrebergarten - a bizarre backyard for hire, away from home, usually along a rail road track. 

And there you have some wild generalizations about German strategies for health maintenance.

Es lebe die Bürokratie!

In a fit of international self-promotion, the German federal government branded the country a "land of ideas", though they could just as easily (and rather more aptly) have branded the country as the "land of paperwork". Simply living in Germany, not only as a foreigner but for everyone, requires a continuous effort to satisfy the bureaucratic powers that be. A never ending cascade of forms from diverse public and semi-public bodies must be obtained, properly filled out, signed and stamped by the right people (a task that can sometimes make the little hobbitses' journey to Mordor seem like a spaziergang in the park), and submitted in very specific orders.

Would you like to: live? live in a certain place? own a pet? watch tv? go fishing?

There's a form for that! And an application, and sometimes a fee, probably a license, too.

Indeed, by virtue of living in Germany one must have health insurance, by law. This is sensible (and coming to America, unless the courts get in Barry and Nancy's way).  You can't get much done without proving health insurance - to enroll in university, for example, you need to show you have insurance.

You also need to register with your local Einwohnermeldeamt, or inhabitants' authority, so the state knows where you live. It is required.

As a foreigner, and non-EU citizen at that, I have had to go through many steps to get settled and given permission to remain in the country. Granted, it started off nicely, the immigration official at the airport didn't ask a single question and the visa can be obtained after entering the country (this is in stark contrast to both the US and the UK, where upon entering the country you're often left feeling distinctly less than welcome!). Since then, however, I have been required to obtain in the following order:
1. A bank account (and Verpflichtungserklärung stating my parents would not allow me to fall destitute should i run out of money!)
2. Health insurance - most people are insured through public bodies, but since I didn't qualify it was a long procedure to obtain private insurance (that was all too reminiscent of the US ''system''.
3. Immatrikulationsbescheinigung - the enrollment certificate from the university, which itself required the previous two documents in addition to various letters from the department of the university I am studying in.
4. Meldebestätigung - registering where I live.
5. Aufenthaltserlaubnis - the permit allowing me to live where I live.
6. Student visa and work permit - self-explanatory, need all five previous documents to get this! With this comes an ID, which I will be technically required to carry at all times, just like everyone else in Germany.

There are good reasons for all of these requirements, so I don't mean to complain, even if I do enjoy doing so from time to time. For Germans it is natural that the state pervades many aspects of life - it is unavoidable. I have questioned, given, well, you know... history!.. doesn't this strike anyone as vaguely big-brother or authoritarian?As it has been explained to me: no, because in a democratic society like Germany, everyone is a member of the state (important to my PhD project! The German word for citizenship literally means ''state membership'') and state and society are intertwined. Unlike in America, where the state (aka government) is often viewed with suspicion at best, here the state is seen as a protector, both of rights and of a general standard of life. It seemed a good solution to all the nasty problems that led to fascism, and has generally worked since 1945.

So, I will take on the paperwork gladly, in the spirit of social democracy and anti-fascism. Vorwärts..!


PS: I'm going to broadly generalize and observe that it seems 60% of people here own parkas, and women wear sensible shoes almost without exception. The end.

Historical OCD

A good friend sent me this link to an article in the Guardian, talking about Britain's "Nazi obsession" and the tendency to use Nazism as a go-to by-word for "evil".  Any quick stop on the History Channel, or in the European/German history section of any US bookshop, will tell you that this obsession is not isolated to Britain! It makes my point of "not mentioning the war", or at least not mentioning it unnecessarily, perfectly.

Interesting outtake, my favorite part is in italics:

'What is extraordinary is that the use of the Third Reich as an all-purpose metaphor for evil extends to every area of culture. The sculptors, the Chapman brothers, seem to derive some artistic drive from Nazism. Theatre directors feel obliged to pump up Richard III, Macbeth, even Hamlet's Denmark, by depicting them in 1940s Germany. The parallel has gone beyond cliched to seem obsessive, and shows no sign of relenting. Only football supporters seem at last to have moved on.

I am baffled as to what it must be like to be a German in modern Britain – as if I were living in Paris awash in references to Hundred Years War atrocities. German friends respond with a weary patience, like the Fawlty Towers guests suffering Basil's antics at their expense. Nor is it just a matter of the constant identification of Germany with the Third Reich. There is little attempt to set it in proportion to other more creditable aspects of German history. This is strange given that Anglo-Saxons were nothing if not Germans. As Simon Winder notes in his entertaining book Germania, Britain and Germany are "the mad twins of Europe, Protestant, aggressive… with superiority complexes of a kind that have, for good or ill, reshaped the world".'

Der Papst kam

Despite the Bild Zeitung's claim that "We are the Pope!" (believed mostly by the more gullible), Berlin seemed more ambivalent about just how much Germans or Berliners in particular could identify with that statement. This is, after all, the historically Protestant north of the country, with Berlin further positioned (with the exception of its western districts) in the formerly communist (anti-religious) East. Furthermore, Berlin is and throughout its history has often been a liberal, cosmopolitan, and some would say hedonistic haven. Given all this, any visit by the Pope is sure to stir up a bit of controversy. On top of it all, this Pope in particular has been a vociferous opponent of theological and ecclesiastical progressivism, as well as any innovation in teaching on sex and gender. Despite his flair for footwear, Benny the 16th has been no friend of the gays or ladies!

The reaction? A counter demonstration put together by queer and other groups opposed to the Pope's positions on myriad topics, especially those related to sex and gender. Cycling back from the center of town, we came very near to the protest route, and could hear the less than inspiring music selection therefrom! Personally, my feelings about the Pope and his teaching are firmly in opposition. While I find the Church to be totally and thoroughly ficked up, I cannot discount the role of my Catholic school upbringing in communicating some very fundamental messages about equality, solidarity,  and social justice (even if they came wrapped in SO much hypocrisy and illogical thinking!) There are many good and sincere people there, it is just a shame that the good continue to associate with so many wrongheaded, bad people with incredibly misguided priorities including Ratzinger/the Pope. I didn't attend in the end, even if I did mull it over a while first.

Unlike many religious people, I would not claim to know the mind of god (nor whether a god even exists). However, I did capture the following scene just as the demonstration was kicking off. It might lend us some hint of god/FSM/the universe's opinion on the whole matter:

A giant, all-natural rainbow flag draped over the city, leading to the pot of gold that is Alexander Platz (that spire is the top of the TV tower).

Your guide to the party scene in Berlin.

On Sunday, Berlin went to the polls to vote in state and local elections (Berlin is both the capital city and its own federal state - sort of like DC, only not disenfranchised!)

The prevailing electoral system in Germany is in many ways more representative than the system used in the United States. At the state level in Berlin, and at the federal level, Germans essentially are given two votes. For one, they vote directly for a candidate who will represent the constituency in which the voter lives (much like in the US). The second vote is not for a candidate, but for a party. The party selected can, but need not, be the same as the party of the candidate you directly voted for in the first selection. This system allows smaller parties who might not otherwise be competitive enough against particular parties and candidates to potentially gain representation in the parliament, at a level roughly proportional to their share of the vote. The result: lots of smaller parties co-exist with the larger ones.

1 From top: Typical SPD poster, FDP hilarity

Berlin was covered in campaign posters and billboards for parties of all sorts and sizes. Some were more entertaining than others, but for me all provided a peak into an entirely different political landscape than the one I am used to in the United States. So I now present to you, dear reader, a rundown of the parties large and small that participated in Sunday's election, along with some pictures of campaign posters I managed to snap!

In (roughly) descending order of popularity in the voting results:

1 - Sozialdemokratische Partei Deutschlands - Social Democratic Party of Germany


The good old SPD are a party of the center-left here in Germany, which would place them roughly in "ranting crazy left wing loony" territory in the USA, but they are really very sensible! They are led in Berlin by current Mayor Klaus Wowereit (openly gay!), who will have the task of assembling a coalition with another party(s), given the SPD's failure to win a majority of seats. Their goals include ensuring that wealth is (re)distributed fairly, and the economy structured in such a way, so that all people benefit during prosperous times and are protected from falling too far in hard times. They are generally friendly toward LGBT people, people with migrant backgrounds, working people, students, etc. In the first picture, the poster at top is representative of most of their campaign posters - a friendly looking candidate with their name and party. Their electoral slogan "Berlin verstehen", or roughly "we understand Berlin", was intended to stress their overarching appeal across all of Berlin's diverse communities and population. They gained the most seats, having earned around 29% of the vote.


2 - Christlich Demokratische Union - Christian Democratic Union

This party of the center-right, despite their name they generally embrace logical thinking (their coalition with the FDP notwithstanding) and are not overtly religious. Picture three, third from top, provides a representative poster of theirs. "Gerade. Richtig" roughly translates as "Straight forward. Correct." One could also add humorless and bourgeois to those descriptors. They are the most right-wing party to win seats in the state parliament, having garnered roughly 23% of the vote. They currently are also the largest party in the national parliament, with their leader Angela Merkel serving as Chancellor of Germany. Though hard to love, they are a sane conservative party, so it is difficult to get TOO worked up over them (especially compared to the GOP).

2 Top: NPD filth, Bottom: Greens

3 From top: More NPD filth, the Pirates, the CDU, the Greens. 

3 - Bündnis 90/Die Grünen - Federation 90/The Greens

The Greens polled a record 17.6% of the vote, earning them the third highest number of seats and a potential role as coalition partner with the SPD. Also a roughly center-left party, their base of support comes from stroller pushing urban professionals who would like to protect their children from non-organic breakfast cereals, appropriately sized airports, and nuclear power. Their role in promoting environmentalism in Germany since their founding has been large, making Germany one of the greenest countries in the world. Their posters can be seen in pictures two and three - in 2: "Pankow ist es wert" roughly means "Pankow's worth it", Pankow being a city district. In picture 3: A woman from the 1920's on the phone tells her friend "Naturally, I will vote Green".

4. Die Linke  - The Left Party

A far-left though still fairly mainstream party, especially in this part of the country. For the last ten years they have been the coalition partner in the Berlin state senate with the SPD, though their share of the vote has fallen too low this time to make that possible. Though they may have many former East German communists among their ranks, they also promote democracy and appeal to young people and others concerned about social and economic inequality in the city. I have no pictures of their posters, though they ranged from the catchy "Ja!" ("Yes!") to others detailing how they were for all the different ethnic communities and groups making up the patchwork that is contemporary Berlin.

5. Die Piraten - The Pirates

These "children of Marx and Microsoft" are an upstart party of the center-left who promote data privacy, net neutrality, free public transportation for all, and unicorn rides for all children under 14 on their birthdays. They earned a staggering 8% of the vote, getting them 14 seats in the state parliament. In picture 4, their poster can be seen on the bottom: "Fragt eure Kinder, Warum Sie Piraten Wählen" - "Ask your kids why they're voting Pirate", stressing their appeal to younger people and the net generation.

Minor Parties (did not win any seats):

6. Freie Demokratische Partei - Free Democratic Party

Though they are the junior coalition partner in the current national government with the CDU, their support has totally collapsed over the last year, leaving them dead in the water ahead of the next federal elections. Their role as the party of business and the wealthy places them closest to American libertarians - greedy bastards who don't care if you're gay, but don't care if you die from a toothache for lack of insurance, either. Well, I exaggerate, but only somewhat. They have declined due to numerous political missteps at the national level, particularly their highly Euro-skeptical populist response to the current Euro crisis. This sort of anti-EU, small-minded thinking does not fly in today's Germany. They earned just 1.8% of the vote in Berlin on Sunday. Their posters often containing hypothetical and ridiculous questions and (often inaccurate) answers. In picture one, roughly, "Is the FDP a party of workers, or high-earners? A: We would like that with work one can earn better than without" ie: Get off welfare, lazy. Unpictured: Q: Why do the SPD want the 30 km/hr speed limit everywhere in Berlin? (BTW They don't!) A: So the S-Bahn (overground urban train network) doesn't seem so slow. Ha. Ha. Ha..

4 From top: Yet more NPD Filth, the Pirate. 

7. NPD - The Neo-Nazis

Their support is almost too small to make them worth mentioning, though their posters could be seen in many parts of the city. They would be almost funny, if satirical, though disturbing for their sincerity and hateful messages. They have to be very careful about what they say, as parties espousing overtly Nazi ideology or political stances opposed to the constitutional order are banned in Germany. In picture two one can see their poster at top (always placed high to make them harder to be torn down), with an image of Arabs on a flying carpet with the message "Guten Heim Flug", or "Good flight home". In picture three is the always catchy "Sicherheit durch Recht und Ordnung", or "Security through law and order." In picture four, at top, is their leader on his motorcycle with the disgusting caption "Gas geben!", idiomatically meaning "Step on the gas", though literally meaning "Give gas!", a clear allusion to the Holocaust gas chambers. Luckily, this sort of thinking appeals mostly to a very small fringe.

To end on an up-note, their were also many posters for both small parties and satirical parties including: Die Partei - simply, The Party;  and Die Bergpartei - The Hill Party; Teirschutzpartei - The Animal Protection Party (bless them); and finally, the Partei Soziale Gerechtigkeit - The Party of Social Justice, a real life trotskyite party and therefore close to my own heart.