Those lazy Germans. Or, Germany: worker's paradise.

Those industrious Germans! Deutschland! Shining example of the rewards of hard work and saving. Able to teach those lazy Greeks a thing or two about what it takes! Well, actually, no.

Despite everyone (except the Greeks) in Europe thinking the Germans are the hardest workers, the Greeks have it closer to the truth. Ok, so the Germans are more "productive" per hour worked than the Greeks are, though curiously less productive than the French and Belgians(!). Nevertheless, the myth of the incomparably hard-working German doesn't stand up to the test of reality. Germany's success owes to lots of complicated factors, but hard work alone cannot explain it.

After nearly a year in this country, I can tell you that the Germans shirk work with an efficiency unmatched in the homeland. Try to get something done at a bank on Fridays, you can almost forget about it. Need to file one of the 50 million forms essential for daily life? Most government offices are open about 3-4 hours a day, 3 days a week. Need to go shopping outside of your normal working hours? Sorry, shops close by 7 or 8pm, early on Saturday, and don't open at all on Sunday.

Besides working an average of only 35 hours a week, the German worker is guaranteed at least 28 paid vacation days per year (which they use unashamedly), plus public holidays, plus nearly unlimited sick time. If you're ill, you just need a note from your doctor, and your employer simply has to accept it.

And I don't just mean for the flu or consumption or whatever. No, no. In fact, Germans suffer a variety of maladies unknown in the New World. Most notable among them is the phenomenon of Kreislaufstörung - literally, problems with one's circulation. Now, in America, when you have problems with your circulatory system you usually end up in the hospital and under close observation of a cardiologist. Germans, on the other hand, see such problems as so normal as to be almost unworthy of note (except the doctor's note!). The exact cause is unknown. Some conjecture that it stems from the Germans' notoriously cold hearts, though that remains unproven. In any case, any time you feel a bit tired or unpleasant you just chalk it up to a circulation problem, run to the doctor, and get a nice little note for your employer and perhaps a prescription for herbal-magic-homeopathy rose hip water pills. Problem solved, blood flowing easily once more!

Then there is the problem of burnout. From working so hard, this is something the Germans struggle with endlessly. Of course, when an American feels burnt out, they simply try and get more sleep or take up meditation or an addiction to prescription medicine. For a German, on the other hand, burnout is simply another source of the cherished doctor's note. For particularly bad cases, your doctor can even write you a prescription for a few days trip to a spa resort. Paid for by insurance, not counted against vacation time. For Europe's hardest workers, only the best.